Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Checking In and Lessons Learned

Just wanted to take a quick minute to check in. This month/year so far has had a rough start. We have been abnormally busy, and for the past week our family (each and every one of the boys...hubby included) has been sick. And yesterday we put our house up for sale. Praying for everyone too feel 100%, and a quick sell, because I'm already ready to settle down! ;)

One great thing about selling the house is that I REALLY love that. Right now we have it for sale by owner and it goes in the paper tomorrow. We have already had 3 calls and some showings set up just by people driving by, so that's always exciting.

I am trying to catch up on my blog posts. Also, trying to keep up with school. We are back to reading, writing, Bible, math and the occasional History and Science. The thing I've learned over the past 2 years, is that when life is busy (which we really try to keep how busy we are under control) we take the rest of life at a lighter pace. Right now, with sickness and house selling, school gets lighter. To some this may seem crazy, but I feel as long as he is getting his Bible, reading, and math, we are doing well and can pick up on the rest as soon as our busy spell is over. I know our family well, and this is just a busy season and we will soon settle back into a slower paced life.

The thing that is really hard for me in busy seasons is my time spent with God. I feel as though I talk with Him throughout the day all the time, but some of that is all me talking and never me listening. Never being still in Him. I hate that. I don't mind doing our school lightly, but should never let my time with Him turn light.

Have you ever prayed this scripture in Psalm 139?

23Search me, O God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting.

When you do, He will. It is a hard wake up call to know your heart. I have had a few instances in the past few weeks that were very hard for me, and my reaction was less than admirable. I've learned that I've become much stronger than I used to be, but have also learned that if I want to speak my mind to someone who is hurting me, to do it with grace, as God would me. And I did not that. I teach my boys that if one is not being nice, it's not okay to not be nice back. I didn't even follow my own rule. I never want to hurt someone, but the thoughts in my head were what caught me off guard, and that, to God is the same. The thoughts I have when I have to see them again are not graceful. The words I spoke about them to my husband after they had upset me were not okay.

The very fact that I even called my husband first before turning to God was indication of my anxious thoughts.

It's hard when people you love hurt you or someone else you love. But God can take things like this and show you a bigger picture if you let Him. He can also show you that maybe you are seeking others' support over just trusting and going where God is leading you even without their support.

Big wake up calls if you pray that prayer my friends.

In the end, I know, I can NOT do this life without Him. My number one goal in life is to be with Him. He will never leave me. So why do I turn to others, thinking I need their approval to do this life. Their approval won't lead me to life with Him. Others may even leave on some level, but He won't. Why do I forget this?

I'll leave you with this amazing song, that just makes me weep. The most powerful words in it say:

I am the thorn in Your crown
But You love me anyway
I am the sweat from Your brow
But You love me anyway
I am the nail in Your wrist
But You love me anyway
I am Judas' kiss
But You love me anyway

We have all been there. Every single day we are there on some level. But He loves us anyway.

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