180

I have been anxiously waiting the release of the new 180 movie. God revealed that in America, we have our own holocaust to me a few months ago, so I couldn't wait to view Ray Comfort's movie on abortion.

It's available to view for FREE and takes 33 minutes of your time.

Sometimes, I think it's important to take a stand. It's time to stand up for God. The God who created all life. The One who gives you every breath you take. He did it for you and me...couldn't we do it for Him?

**some content not for children**

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A Focus On Gratitude and Joy

I woke up yesterday got the boys breakfast and dressed for church. I then got myself dressed and it started.

Melt down city! Whoa. Jaiden would not keep his clothes on. I mean NONE. I got him dressed again and tried to direct him to the car for church. He fell to the floor, a dead weight. I couldn't pick him up.

I thought I'd go to the car and pretend I was leaving so that he would join me. I waited 5 minutes and he came out....no clothes on.

I went inside to see papers all over the floor, his clothes, and food out of the fridge.

I cleaned it up quickly and went out to the car to tell the boys we wouldn't make it to church, and found my purse dumped in the car and he was pulling his brothers hair. Oh man.

He ran in the house and scattered the papers I had just cleaned up. I cried. I cleaned. I prayed.

Hours passed and I had cleaned up a jar of marbles thrown on the floor, a bowl of cereal thrown on the floor, 2 drinks...thrown on the floor.

The tv was locked, computer unplugged, all the doors locked, and I had rigged up a lock for the fridge. I hid bananas and a bowl of oranges and apples in the top of our closet. He had finally settled for wearing his swim trunks and sat for a few hours looking through magazines ripping out the inserts, while I sat reading to him.

2 Chronicles 20:17
You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.

You see, I felt Him with me. The whole day through, like I was outside looking in. I never felt angry. I never yelled. I did feel disappointed, but never defeated. He was with me, and that's all I needed.

Deuteronomy 31:8 The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

I felt joy, I felt happy. When Dan came home, I smiled and wrapped my arms around him. We talked, but I never complained or whined. This is different from before, and he took notice. If I had reacted in defeat and crying and complaining, that would break my husband's heart and make him feel helpless in his ability to protect me while he works. He knew God was with us and carried us through the day full of joy.

John 16:33 I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

Romans 8:37 But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us.

He loves us and is with us! So no matter what we go through, if we allow Him to go through it with us, our days will be blessed!

He is my joy. My true desire is to love and honor Him in all that I do.

My joy is overflowing.

World Autism Awareness Day

April was Autism Awareness Month. We had an autism walk on World Autism Awareness Day. Some of you may recall a few years back when my husband and I started an Autism Day to support the local public schools' Autism Units. We did two of those before we started home school and private school. The people who helped us get that one started are still doing them to this day! 

This year was our new programs' first event. Dan and I had discussed this with the directors last year, but then we home schooled for the year. Well, this year they got together and started organizing the event. Dan and I came in near the end of all the planning and looked over everything. They really did a wonderful job, and everything went well!

Here are some of the photos of the day. It was windy. I mean 25 mph winds are nothing around these parts. A few weeks ago I went on a road trip with the women's ministry. The 4 hr trip took 6 hrs, and on the way we saw 12...yes 12!! Semi trucks and rvs turned over by the wind...the 60mph wind.  Okay...so on to the "windy" pictures!

My hubby on the news.

Getting ready to say the Pledge:

I don't really like clowns, but I like this picture:

I always look like such a giddy school girl haha...he's not even paying attention to me ha!

My wonderful friend:

Cousins =]

My dad with Jaiden, checking out his sign:

The green team:

Goofy guys:

My boys:

Showing off his medal:

His old teacher...he adores her!

Him with my cousin...he absolutely adores him too!

What a wonderful way to honor those we love!

Weekend Reading and Plans

Our weekend starts today! I'm am so overwhelmed with today, I'm very excited to have my sweet husband home.

Today I baked my sweet friend's homemade bread bread. It is wonderful!
I also made some jam to go with it. Yum.

I surfed blog land a while and found some of the most fun ideas! All posted in my ever changing list of fun and inspiring things------------------------>

Tonight the boys are watching Nascar, while I retreat to my room with good books and movies!!

I have a special blog post, that I can't seem to get posted. Soon.

Tomorrow is rather busy for us. I think that's okay on occasion. I am one who purposely keeps our schedule open to practice the art of doing nothing. Slow living. But tomorrow is busy for us. *Volunteering in the nursery.* Church after that. *Jaiden's invited to a party from a kid in his class!! This is the 2nd time for him! *And possibly a Gospel Meeting with my cousins in the evening.

Monday? Date night with the love of my life!

I hope you all have a great weekend, and check out my sidebar if you need some extra reading.

Autism Awareness Month bloggers who are joining together to make you aware of autism:

Organizing Made Fun

Earth Monkey Moms

A Bowl Full of Lemons

Hello House, Goodbye Home

Pieces of My Heart

Caffeinated Autism Mom
Mom's Flight School

This Journey Through Life

Helping My Boys
My Thirty One
Life with Lissy
Frou Frou Britches
This Journey Through My Life
Endless Crafting
Loving In This Life with 5

Letting Go

Currently pouring over the pages of this beautifully written book that has captivated me. Filling me with laughter, and then tears streaming slowly down my cheeks.

I call my mom, she had given the book to me yesterday. I tell her it was almost like I was reading my own words. She replied that she agrees and that it made her know me more.

"In all my years of longing to do something more significant with my gift of art, I never dreamed it would be used to give my child his voice."

Those words bounce off the page right back to me over again "give my child his voice" "give my child his voice" My eyes read those words and fill with tears.

God, please show me how to give my child his voice.

As little as a few months ago I would wake up with dread before my eyes ever opened. Before my feet hit the floor. Why wake up when no day seems different? Why wake up to feel utterly useless in the ability to keep my children protected without being worn down to complete exhaustion? Why? Why fight this 9 year old boy any longer?

God, then asked me to find the joy in the day. Any bit of the day, if there was an opportunity to open my heart to joy, do it. Over the next few days before I would open my eyes, God would fill me with joyful sounds and thoughts. Little did I know, he was giving me the opportunity to let go.

To let go of bitternees, dread, feeling scared, helpless, and hopeless. Letting go of feeling out of control. He had me, He had Jaiden, and I really could let go.

"It's time to throw out my ideas of what I thought life would be, should be, and let joy fill up those brand-new vacancies."  Emily said, as she vowed that if she was blessed with another day, she will wake up believing it was her last. "Don't waste it. We're going to get up and eat. We're going to get up and live."

As I drove my sweet little man to therapy this morning along with his friend, I looked for the joy in everything. The ways the trees worship, the colors of spring popping up over lawns and gardens, a family in the early hours packing up a car for what just may be a family vacation. I leaned over to buckle Jaiden's friend, and he gave me a big kiss! That's right, planted one right on my cheek! I haven't got to have a kiss from my own boy since he was a baby, but his friend graciously added to my joy this morning. And as I took my smiling guy in to therapy this morning, I gave him the biggest squeeze and told him I loved him. He laughed and went on to his room.

I think I have let go.

House of Belonging 


 

God Moving

God is moving in His people. If you are with Him, you feel it! I am completely overwhelmed with His love. THE love that has saved me.

Living a life aware of His gifts. Eucharisteo!



332-334. As I bathed our littlest boy this morning, I was thankful for the opportunity to wash his hair, and to snuggle him with a clean fluffy towel, and to slather shea butter.

335. Only one (ONE) meltdown over the weekend. God is carrying that sweet boy through. He is helping me keep calm.

336. Tibby learned to add ones and tens. It's one of his new favorite things. He asks numerous times a day..."mom, can you guess how much 23+32 is?" etc.

337. Walking into the kitchen this morning with a greeting from our 6 yr old, "you look beautiful" and our 3 yr old, "you pretty mama". What a way to wake up!!

338. Cutting Jaiden's nails for the first time in 1 1/2 years! He stopped his anxiety and biting his nails. Praise God!

339. Getting a call from his teacher saying he is the only kid in class participating in reading discussions! She is so proud, as am I!

340. God leading to new places. Places of the physical and of the heart. A new place of intimately knowing HIM!

Please say a prayer for our neck of the woods. Hundreds of acres burning in fires, homes lost. We need rain

A First Friend at 9 Years Old

296-314 Gifts

Living the fullest life with the One who came to give us life to the fullest.
Being thoughtful on how to spend my time.
Gathering with others to worship.
Smiles and compliments to us about our beautiful boys from strangers.
A little boy telling me I am beautiful.
Counting down to a 3 year old birthday.
That same boys' newest phrase, "you silly goose"
My husbands' carmel eyes looking deep in mine
My dad reading to me his words stirred from God
A curious puppy
Folded laundry
After meals Bible reading
Oldest boy having a friend* (story below)
Preparing for a winter storm
Breakfast quesadillas
Beds made
Cozy socks
A book that dares you to live
A life of Eucharisteo

* A boy with a friend. After school on Friday, I had a friend of mine with a little boy in Jaiden's class drop us home. We so desperately want them to be friends, to notice each other. A mama's prayer on both ends. The life of having special needs kids. Jaiden got in the back seat of their van. S (my friend's son) sitting in his seat in the middle of the van, took notice that Jaiden was riding along and quickly jumped up and sat in the back with Jaiden. Jaiden smiled big. I looked back and S was relaxing with his feet on Jaiden's lap haha. He showed him his Wiggles cd. Jaiden smiled big. Jaiden asks to see S every day now. We will start carpooling soon. Jaiden has made his first friend. A first friend at 9!

For more firsts please read A first birthday at 9. 

A First Birthday at 9 years old

Jaiden turned 9 on Sunday. That morning he woke not having so much as a clue it was his birthday. This was not surprise to us. His daddy woke up at 6:30 to get him his favorite donuts, and we piled them high and stuck candles in and sang a lovely Happy Birthday tune (to which Tibby says always makes him laugh). I personally don't think we sound all that bad =]

But, in the middle of the song, it clicked. For the first time in this 9 year old boy's life, he realized it was HIS birthday.

We headed to church where some had seen on my facebook that it was his birthday, so they all sang to him. He was thrilled about that! We then took him to Red Robin for lunch. He loves that place. When you tell them it is someone's birthday, they make sure everyone knows it. They all came over to sing to him and bring him a sundae. I didn't have a camera to capture this moment, but it is forever in my mind. His smile was bigger than I have ever seen, he was so overwhelmed with excitement, I could tell he could barely breathe. He covered his grin with his hands, and though it was loud with all the singing to him, I could hear him squeal with excitement.

I never looked at the people around us, I didn't even hear the words of the song they were singing. I was doing a  laugh-cry, about to burst because this is the most precious moment I've ever witnessed in my life with him. He was happy, and I was so so happy for him.

When they were done, his daddy looked at me in the same bursting emotion I had, and asked "did you see that?"

We took him to  see Voyage of The Dawn Treader (Narnia) which of course he enjoyed When we came home, I made a cake, ordered the pizza he requested and we all piled in the living room for an evening family party just for him.

 

Happy Birthday sweet boy. You light up the world.  

A Time For Rest

This past weekend my husband and I were invited to attend a Marriage Retreat. Now, this isn't just any retreat. It was almost like a vacation, retreat, and a meeting of new friends all in one.

They had paid for the hotel we stayed in, all of our favorite snacks, and all the meals for the entire weekend. They also had a wonderful Life Is Good canvas bag filled with goodies, books, and much more.

All of this was far more than we ever needed, but it felt like a gift quietly given to us from God.

When we walked in, we knew no one. We were introduced to the 3 other couples, and became instant life long friends. Family. We had never been with others all weekend who were all from different parts of the country, all different ages, and had been through so many different things in life. The one thing God had bonded us together with was that we all had a child with special needs.

Now let me tell you what a breath of fresh air it was to not wonder when the moment will be that you share you have a special needs child, or when the moment will cross your mind that your 8 year has never done what someone elses'  has, OR the moment that comes when you again get smacked in the face that your life is different.

There was none of that. Only the feeling that we 100% completely fit in. We weren't different. Here, we were "normal".

Now, we don't always go around feeling sorry for ourselves when we are around accepting friends. Those are just some thoughts that cross your mind for a quick second and then leave. I'm just saying that the absence of those questions in my head were SO obvious this past weekend. One of the most comforting few days I've ever had.

We had moments with our new friends, moments learning about personalities and marriage, lots of time alone with our spouse, a date with our spouse out on the town, moments of filling our stomachs full of delicious food and dessert, and the filling of our hearts with time spent in prayer, meditation, and a few hours alone with God for the Sabbath.

As we talked around the room, I could sense how concerned we all were for our children. I could also feel how weary each and every one of us can get. But, in all of that, I saw the joy and sense of humor we all had despite our lives. I believe that the joy and laughter we all shared was only the grace, the love, the heart of God. We could choose to let this stuff get the best of us, or we can see God in all we do, involve Him in our daily lives, and watch as He works something we all may see as broken out for His good.

One of the biggest things that stuck out to me this past weekend was this:
I have so much to learn from these kids. If I could see people through their eyes I would not measure anyone by these measuring sticks we all tend to use based on your clothes, salary, homes, jobs, or even your face. I would love you unconditionally if only you will let me. I would make you see the lighter side in life. I would make you see Jesus. Because that's where He is at. Those are His eyes. That is His love.

It truly was an honor to spend the weekend led entirely by God. And it truly is a privilege to have these wonderful children in our lives, that most only get a glimpse of when they're out and about, but we get to be with every single day. By the grace of God.

 "The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves,
and not to twist them to fit our own image.
Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them."
T. Merton

To Know His Love

To feel this thankful, and to be this ever grateful, is a feeling I hope to capture and hold on to even when it doesn't seem like there is anything at all to be thankful for.

We have been praying and searching for/about something so dear to our hearts for many years. Seven to be exact. It is this:

To have a doctor who understands our situation, and to respect our decisions.

Now, we had a pretty good doctor, but the practice and staff she had were not impressive.

I will state this now. Having a son with autism has caused me to be extremely involved in the health and care for our children. (I know that may sound weird, like shouldn't that be the case without having a son with autism?) Surprisingly, most people I know, including us 7 years ago did whatever the doctor said, how they said to do it, and when.
Now, I have much respect for doctor's and what they do, but let me show you the difference in what I have wanted for our family all along.

OLD appt: Call to set up appt. Leave message. They call back, set appt. We go in, wait. Nurse calls us back, weighs. We wait. See nurse pract. They vaccinate (note: no questions, no choice really) They send home some Tylenol, say he will feel awful, but it's okay, it's normal. Leave after 10 min of actually "seeing" anyone.

Years go by, we do a ton of research, pray, decide not to vaccinate (that was the best decision for US). We have a baby, discuss our decision with dr., she totally "gets" our decision. Her nurses do not. They will not help me when I call for therapy prescription, they won't help me when I call and ask about a tetanus shot when our 1 yr old gets stitches. The  only thing they care about is why they're not vaccinated and 'don't you know that vaccinations have not been proven to cause autism?"

Yes, I know. There are many many factors to our decision. Being obedient to God is the main one, and they have not been proven otherwise.

This leads me to now: Last month I call a highly respected office, who are only accepting special needs patients. They answer the phone, take my info, set an appt.

We go in today. Sign in, wait, get called back, where they check his vitals. We wait. Walks in the dr. and his wife. They sit down, meet us, want to know all about him. His past, any illness, his vaccinations, his brothers, his diet, any medication, therapy, what he enjoys. They absolutely 100% respect our decisions, applaud how healthy he is, are so thankful to us for not having him on any medication...ever, set up a scholarship for him to have horse therapy since he enjoys it so much, give me some of their favorite books to borrow, start him on a natural path to help his digestive system, give me their email address if I need anything at all, AND even though they only accept special needs, they invite us to bring our other boys since they understand how hard it is to find a doctor to work with!

Now, this is bringing me to the last thing, and the thing I am most thankful for! Yes, there is more!

They, stayed in there for almost 2 hours (her mostly while he met with other patients) getting to know us and our needs! They said they were so impressed with how much I knew about autism and health and how well we took care of him.(He hadn't even been to a doctor in 7 yrs) and  They also said they have never had anyone come in and know as much as I did about their own children and autism. Then they asked why I was even looking for a doctor HaHa. There are many reasons of course, and they really did know why, and helped me make professional decisions regarding our next steps with Jaiden.

This is where I say. We truly have prayed about our decisions regarding parenting in every aspect of our boys' lives. Especially, school, health, friends, and church. GOD, himself lead us these ways, and I can see why! Today, through these highly respected medical doctors, He let me see that we were listening to Him (even though our so called friends thought we were awful), and that it is paying off.

He spoke to me through them today. On a piece of paper with the header: Medical Instructions.

You have done a great job with Jaiden. Keep up your good work.

He loves us. He shows us in so many ways, and some days we close our eyes to miss them. Then, some days, he shows us in a way that we can't miss it, and may even send us a little note. I encourage you, if you haven't, to GIVE your children to HIM. Pray about every single aspect of their lives, He will show you the best way to take care of them. Pray about it, even if it's something you think you already have your mind set on, because if His will is different then your own, you can through obedience change your child's life. 

If you would like to know more of our medical story and Jaiden please read here. 

Pushing Though With Thanks

I woke up this morning filled with content and hope for this upcoming week like I've never felt before. I savored His word and lingered a bit longer than usual.

Filled with confidence, my feet hit the floor. We did our morning chores, ate breakfast, and started our Bible story and scripture. We then started our school work, and this was when it was evident that autism was still with us. He remembered nothing we had learned last week. We were again starting over. We pushed through, but it felt like we were accomplishing nothing. Then his behaviors started up again. I lost it. I yelled and cried.

I hate days like this more than anything I've ever been through. Confidence left much faster than it ever came and I sat face in hands feeling helpless and hopeless.

Then the lies. The prince of darkness swept over me like a wave on the hot sand. "You can't do this, you are a horrible mom. Does God even care about you to make you go though this? Where is He now? I heard you ask for His help this morning, but I don't see Him here now. Turn away. Go back to the life you know doesn't have to feel. Take him back to school. You tried to be obedient, but He is not helping you and you can NOT do it. You can't."

It's very hard for me not to believe that. It really is. But something inside me told me to get up. To push through. To eat, to exercise, to keep breathing, to give thanks. So that's where I am now. Giving thanks.

217.I am able to move, to see, to feel, to hear
218. I have a family to take care of
219.My husband who works hard
220.Giggles coming from the playroom
221.Healthy food to  serve
222.Water to keep clean
223.How much our 5 year old loves soccer
224.Weekends
225.Potty trained kids. NO diapers...1st time in almost 9 years!
226.Rain. the most calming, relaxing, and comfortable thing to me.
227.Knowing everything will be okay.
228.The power in being thankful

Enjoying the Days Even With Autism

Having a special needs son can be very difficult sometimes. His behaviors when he does have them can be something else, and when they seem to be at their worst I find myself on pins and needles around him.

This time around I trying to find joy and keep on keepn' on. So, we have continued on with our regularly scheduled life and THIS time we are trying not to let autism get in the way.

The boys had a great time learning about Joseph and his coat in our history lesson (Story of the World).  The activities in the book are so much fun. This one wanted us to use a long sleeve button up, but we didn't have one that my husband currently didn't wear, so I grabbed one of his undershirts and cut it. The boys thought it was fantastic...(and my hubby never noticed his missing shirt ;)

We then headed out to the science museum. Now, I'm not sure many people understand what it's like to have a child with autism. Most of the time really he is such a sweetheart, but then there are these weeks that just come out of no where...and you guessed it, the week made its appearance this week.

 I had told him the night before and gave him a "field trip" picture so he would know. While we were getting ready to go he would run around turn the TV off and on, annoy his brother, calm down, go into the garage, get in the car, I got him out and locked the car, he would ask to watch TV, ask to go to grandma's, ask to go to the neighbor's, ask to watch TV, ask to go to grandma's, ask to go to the neighbor's, (rinse and repeat), take off his shoes, say he need to go poo poo, take his brother's hat....whew!

THEN we get in the car, I buckle him and his baby brother (and here is where I'm on pins and needles) I notice I forgot the pass to the museum. Now we can get in without it and I almost opted for that option, but decided it would take me 10 seconds to run in and get it. Run in....SCREAM. Run out and he had unbuckled and was taking toys away from his brother.

OK, we made it to the museum and he did pretty good. I got some happy pictures of him. I did not however get a picture of him climbing a shelf to reach a huge TV they had hanging up high and didn't get the picture of him grabbing a snickers bar  from the gift shop and stuffing it in his mouth...wrapper and all. Needless to say I had to buy one for each boy. =]

This is his favorite thing every time we come. He pushes a button in front of him and it "sneezes" near his head. He thinks it's a hoot.

This is one of my favorite thing to look at, it's huge!

Roping the cow

These words float around the wall and you can keep them bouncing with your shadow or the swim noodle. Too cool! They also have birds that fly across and you can whack them and their feathers fall off.

This was the pioneer exhibit and the boys LOVED it. they had a wagon set up with pretend food and fire.  I sat on a log while they cooked and fed me dinner. It was nice to be served for once ha!

All in all our day went well and we really are blessed and I don't think I could love my sweet boys any more even if I tried.