Filled with confidence, my feet hit the floor. We did our morning chores, ate breakfast, and started our Bible story and scripture. We then started our school work, and this was when it was evident that autism was still with us. He remembered nothing we had learned last week. We were again starting over. We pushed through, but it felt like we were accomplishing nothing. Then his behaviors started up again. I lost it. I yelled and cried.
I hate days like this more than anything I've ever been through. Confidence left much faster than it ever came and I sat face in hands feeling helpless and hopeless.
Then the lies. The prince of darkness swept over me like a wave on the hot sand. "You can't do this, you are a horrible mom. Does God even care about you to make you go though this? Where is He now? I heard you ask for His help this morning, but I don't see Him here now. Turn away. Go back to the life you know doesn't have to feel. Take him back to school. You tried to be obedient, but He is not helping you and you can NOT do it. You can't."
It's very hard for me not to believe that. It really is. But something inside me told me to get up. To push through. To eat, to exercise, to keep breathing, to give thanks. So that's where I am now. Giving thanks.
217.I am able to move, to see, to feel, to hear
218. I have a family to take care of
219.My husband who works hard
220.Giggles coming from the playroom
221.Healthy food to serve
222.Water to keep clean
223.How much our 5 year old loves soccer
225.Potty trained kids. NO diapers...1st time in almost 9 years!
226.Rain. the most calming, relaxing, and comfortable thing to me.
227.Knowing everything will be okay.
228.The power in being thankful