For the past few months until about 3 weeks ago, I was in such a dry spell spiritually. I decided on a whim to join Good Morning Girls Bible study and book club reading the book Anything by Jennie Allen. I have been listening to the book on audible while I take notes and then do the bible study that goes along with it, and let me just tell you, God is speaking to me. He's moving me and making me realize things I guess I was too prideful to even recognize.
It started with the realization that so many (me) say that we would do anything for God. But, when anything is truly broken down into everything, I realized that I indeed was a liar.
Do we even know what we're saying when we say we'd do anything? Jesus did anything.
How grateful I am that he did because I can't or is it...won't?
Then it came. What God wanted me to hear:
"Everything is keeping you from anything"
Here I've been sitting for months making plans and goals. Lose weight, and here's how I'm going to do it.
Keep the house clean, and here's the schedule. Home school, and here's the curriculum. All these are the everything keeping me from anything. I remember earnestly wondering how people do this. How do they have a healthy balance? How can I balance God and all this other stuff like everyone else seems to? But the truth is, these goals were my gods. There is no balance.
*Mathew 6:24 "No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and wealth."
*2 Kings 17:41 Even while these people were worshiping the LORD, they were serving their idols. To this day their children and grandchildren continue to do as their ancestors did.
*James 4:4 You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God.
Have we come to a place where,
"God's gifts become gods themselves?"
We've become accustomed to thinking that if we love Jesus then we (rightfully) will be blessed by Him and our lives will become simple and easy. And isn't that what we all want? If we have a problem we lay on our faces crying out to God. We are keenly aware that He is the only source that could relieve us and comfort us. But, we pray for Him to take away our burdens, and without even realizing, we are praying to be at a place in life that we don't even recognize our need for Him.
I remember a few years ago when I was homeschooling Jaiden while he was having severe meltdowns lasting 6+ hours. I just knew God had lead me to home school him and couldn't believe it was taking such a toll. I would sit in prayer and tears those 6+ hours every day. A friend stopped by one day and as I was crying, she said to me, "I think that if this is God's will you would feel peace and it would be going smoothly." When she said that I felt such relief both physically and in the fact that most everyone thought I was crazy for having him home. Soon after, we enrolled Jaiden in a private special needs school and though I got physical relief the hours he was at school, I quit praying and needing God those 6+ hours a day.
You read in the Bible all the stories of people who loved God. Truly love God, and well their lives were never easy or simple, and yet, those are the ones God said had hearts after Him.
The king's heart is in the hands of the LORD, like the rivers of the water He turns it wherever He wishes.
Have you ever read the book of Job? :) Job suffered most because he feared God the most.
What about Paul? During the hardships of captivity, he says in Philippians 4
11 Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.12I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need.13I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.14 Nevertheless, you have done well to share with me in my affliction.
Every person that loves God wrestles. It's okay to wrestle. After all, we don't know what is truly good or bad. Only God really knows. And I trust Him.
The other day I sat down to write in my journal. I usually write goals for the month, but this time I asked God. What are the things you'd like to help me with this month? Turns out they had nothing to do with saving or making money, decorating, home school curriculum, losing weight, or cleaning house. He wants me to spend time getting to know Him and hear what he has to say, and to train our boys the way they should go. Two plans for me, though not simple, but most important.