I've been having an extremely difficult time lately with my emotions. After losing my friend to cancer a month ago (which has affected me in so many strange ways), I have received several personal emails for prayers of new diagnosis of cancer. Some people I know personally and some though blogging but love and pray for just the same.
Really emotional for me, as I lost my grandma when I was little to cancer, I really know what a process it is on a family. My husband is being really sweet through my emotional state and insomnia. I can't sleep. I go to sleep at 10:30-11:00 ish and am up reading at 2:00AM where at around 3:00AM (30 min. before my sweet man gets up for work) I hear a whisper "Jeana?"
"yes?" I reply
"I'm so sorry you're awake, and I love you" as he kisses my head
Right after, our 5 yr old wakes of a bad dream, I hug him and open the blanket for him to crawl in with us and the littlest who had already snuck his way in.
Used to I wouldn't be so nice about it, but lately I think "it's not going to last long, and I remember being little and scared and making the way down the long dark hall to my daddy's room....and he never told me to go back to bed."
I get up as my sweet man wraps a towel around his freshly showered self. I stand at the sink eyes filling with tears and he holds me. He loves me the only way he knows how through this and it is enough.
At 5:00AM I slip back into bed with two sleeping boys. I pull the blanket up closer to them, so they are warm. I smile at the littlest with his hands arms up over his head.
I read in Psalms "when I call give me answers. God take my side" and then this. in 4:7 (The Message) I have God's more than enough. More joy in one ordinary day.
I turn off the lamp and lay in the quiet, feeling the the fall breeze through the open window and hearing the crickets worship their Creator I drift off to sleep and I dream.
I dream I am in Target with my husband and we can barely hear the song Dancing in the Minefields (which I saw two bloggers blog about yesterday and having heard it a month or so ago I just fell in love) playing through the store. My husband in his playful manor grabbed me and started dancing. I hesitated since we are after all IN a store and then I just let it be and I smiled so big. As we dance I looked around and saw almost everyone else had started to dance. Grand mamas with their grand babies, mommas and daddies, and daddies with their daughters. I couldn't believe it! My heart pitter pattered and filled with love. I even remember my husband laughing as we danced saying what a horrible dancer I am! I really am, and he knows I don't like to dance, but he loves to dance with me anyways.
As the song ends and smiles are contagiously sweeping through the whole store, we turn to walk out his arm around me. A guy winks at me. The old me would have taken that as a huge compliment and it would boost my confidence and self esteem. But this time in the arms of the man I love, I just glanced up to his smiling face and snuggled deeper in his arms.
With whatever it is I'm going through, I am so thankful for my husband being right by my side, and my Father comforting me. Easy days aren't promised always but He will carry us as we dance through the minefields and sail through the storms.